I took a break from blogging. Roughly 6 months ago I received some difficult nasty messages that sent my heart and head spinning. They were full of lies that Satan used to hurt me, destroy me, but more importantly blind me from the truth. I spent the last few months seeking truth through his word.
For this reason, make every effort to supplement our faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self control, and self control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. 2 Peter 1: 5-7
God is love, forgiveness, faithfulness, self control, faith. When being hit with ugly comments, harsh words, difficult text messages or emails… seek the truth. Those words may or may not even be meant to hurt you, they may be a cover up to someone else’s difficult choices, situation, or hurt. In my situation I was told my blog was filled with lies and condemnation. Two messages from Fishy and Mingo was enough to shut me down internally, question myself spiritually, and deny myself all of the wonderful comments I have received from others. Two little tiny rude comments sent me unglued. Broke my brokenness into shattered pieces and had me listening to lies from Satan, rather than the truth from God. But here is where truth comes in and in humble sweetness takes over. God never gives up. God loves us even when we fall. And God takes the broken crushed up inner spirit of us and grows some of the most beautiful flowers.
I have spent the last few months seeking Jesus behaviors. Seeking a life filled with love and forgiveness, and finding pure joy through difficult situations. When life or moments hit you with harsh condemnation, open his word. Seek the truth. Does it follow? Sometimes, yes, it is a sweet conviction from him and an awesome opportunity to seek redemption and make some changes. Sometimes it is an opportunity to shine through with grace and love. A popular verse most of us are beyond familiar with.
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on it’s own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoice with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. 1 Co 13: 4-8
This verse so simple, yet so deep. It is full of so much basic truth. If all relationships; coworkers, spouses, parents, children, siblings, friends, relatives, etc. followed these tiny few words…. AMAZING! Over the last few years I have really come to love vs 7, “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” When I am struggling with hurt from a message from my ex, this is one of my go to verses. I ask myself are his actions out of love? Then I ask myself are my actions out of love? In other words am I seeking self fulfillment or Jesus fulfillment? Honesty isn’t always easy. For some people its not only painful to hear or read, but attacking feels like the best action. We’ve all been there, we’ve all done it. Somebody says something to us regarding our actions yesterday and we attack back in pain. Right away God starts settling the truth in our heart and working from inside leaving us a nagging feeling that we need to look deeper. We feel hurt, sad, and upset, not entirely with the other person who spoke in honesty, but toward ourselves. Open his word… that is where he speaks such truth to our heart. And like I tell my son, every day is a new day. Every day is a chance to try again, try right, try different.
I have prayed over every post that I have typed in my blog. Some were filled with more emotion and maybe they should have been left out. But the truth is also that leaving out all of the emotion doesn’t portray the real journey I am walking. There was a time I would have given anything for my spouse and family to be home. That time lasted for over a year from when he walked out the door filling my head and heart with lies as to why he was leaving when the real truth of it was so blatantly obvious I was blinded by love for him to see it. And when I discovered the affair, I hurt. I hurt on levels I can not truly explain. The time to beg him home and desire him in my life has now passed, and it’s not because of all the hurt he has caused me or all the wrong he has done. It is because being willing to give up anything for him was hindering my relationship with the one true God that I needed to be willing to give up anything for. I still love my ex very much. It is because of God that love doesn’t die. It is because of the truth, his truth written all over the bible. Forgive, Love, Forgive, Love, etc.
So when I was accused of spreading lies on the internet through my blog I shut my blog down and dug deep for answers. What I discovered was this: First off this is my story, a story I am choosing to tell because I feel like it is God’s desire for it to be. Marriages are falling apart all around us, hatred is being spewed between partners that once professed love. If just one marriage can be saved by my public display of determination to seek love and forgiveness and even take my ex back, then God wins. And the second reason I have chosen to share my story is it is healing to me. It helps me digest through thoughts I have, both ugly and joyful. It gives me something to chew on as I pray. I often open my computer with no real clue what I will write about and my fingers just start typing and God puts a message on my heart. This blog has zero intention behind it to hurt others. It is in fact my journey on how I want to seek love, and forgiveness and the stumbling blocks along the way.
Nothing would give me greater joy than to hear both my ex and his girlfriend repent, and seek the Lord. There was a time I would have never thought I would say this, but I have reached a point that I would even be happy to see them together happy and public rather than hiding and shameful. So secretive and full of lies that are hurting them so much more than anyone else. Sure, the four children and I are still suffering consequences of those lies, but I have faith that no matter what choices these two individuals make.. Love always wins. Again, seek the truth.