Yesterday was a rough day for poor Orange. As a parent it is so hard to watch our kids struggle. I first got notified of issues at 9am, a text. Then a call a half hour later I had to ignore because I was busy at work. A few minutes later my charge nurse came into my room to tell me I had a phone call. I already knew, and I had already been praying for peace and for God to “take the wheel.” What I wasn’t praying for… Orange’s peace.
Orange has been having pretty harsh side affects from the stimulants he was on to help him focus in school. I loved how much the meds were helping him feel positive about school… but I hated what the meds were doing to him. Infact, I didn’t give them to him on off days from school because I didn’t like the suppressed child they made him be. I missed my humorous funny boy. So now poor Orange is starting over with trying school out and feeling like he is just not good enough… it is really sad.
I stepped into the breakroom to call the school, chatted with Orange, and then the teacher who said she would try a little longer but call me if there were any more problems. Orange got a firm talking from me… still no prayer. I hung up the phone, talked to my friend about my frustrating predicament… and SHE prayed for him. It was a duh moment for me. Have you ever done that? Been so focused on how you were going to handle the situation and so focused that you didn’t do it wrong that you were the only one on your prayer list. When in fact… my prayer should have started with Orange’s peace and then to my peace and guidance for Orange’s peace. She didn’t even ask, she knew what he needed!
Orange made it most of the rest of the day, probably because of that prayer. And he later told me he tried so hard to keep it together for school but EVERYTHING was distracting him and frustrating him. Then he got mad, and then more mad because he got mad, then more mad because, well….. you get the point. Why wasn’t I praying for him? I was at work thinking all kinds of random things as we all do; my run that eve, running to the store, what I would make for dinner, but not praying for my boy who I knew was having a hard time, and even more I sent him to school knowing things would be hard. I got a call at 230 and all I could hear was him screaming and crying in the background. I left work as fast as I could and do you know what I did.. I prayed. The whole way to the school, I prayed for Orange, for me, and for the teachers with him right then.
When I arrived Orange was sitting in the middle of a mass destruction scene at least 6 feet wide, papers, highlighters, pencils, and little round magnet balls…. everywhere. I talked with one of his teachers outside the door. He spoke so highly of Orange, you could tell it was really breaking his heart too. Orange was completely detached and inconsolable by anyone. When I walked in the room he crawled over to me and grabbed my legs.. a tear slid down my face. He was calmly given two choices. Help me pick up the mess, or I would pick it up alone and put it in the garbage since I didn’t know what was what. If it went in the garbage him and I would go to the store later on and replace it all with his allowance. He helped me pick it up and we calmly talked together while we did. He didn’t know why he did it, he was so mad at himself, he wasn’t sure what happened, he tried… “mom I tried so hard” There must have been about 4 packages of lined paper that was all over the floor… his desk had been incredibly organized and all of his lined paper was carefully in one of his 3 ring binders. I didn’t figure he needed that much paper, so I gathered a huge pile of pretty wrinkled papers and went across the room to the recycle bin. His teacher whispered to me, “you are doing a very good job with him” I laughed and said “on the outside” but his response stopped me…. “No, you are using calm words that tell me you are very calm inside too” I was…. I wasn’t even a little mad, anxious, or frustrated… just broken. And it hit me how much my response has changed over the last few years of learning to rely on God. Asking God to guide me saves me from all of the panic I experienced previously.
I am learning I am on a journey. There is no destination other than the end of my life. I won’t always do it right… and then sometimes I will. I can guarantee you that praying for Orange next Thursday when he returns to school will be at the top of my prayer list, my peace and patience with his outcome will come after. He stayed home today, did homework at home, and played with his new puppy. Tomorrow is a holiday. Thursday is a new day!
Sound asleep with his puppy tonight.