Yesterday, while I was driving home from Tillamook in the pouring rain, music cranked up, and the heater on high (I was freezing!) I let my mind wander. The road was gloomy, tree’s without leaves, various shades browns everywhere. Even the river was a dark muddy brown color. And I thought how this is the cycle of life. We just lost the vibrant colors of fall and we are rapidly moving into the white snowfall which has it’s own unique beauty. But for today, it’s not so pretty. Today it’s rain and grey sky’s. My mom said several times over Thanksgiving that she was thankful for the rain. Teal and I kept laughing at her. The truth is though, we should be thankful for the gloom and rain. Through the storm comes beauty. Through the storm comes appreciation. Because of the storm, the cycle of life can continue on. New life grows because of the storm.
So yesterday, I was thankful for the rain. And today as I’m able to sit here and type it all out, I am thankful that my rainy season is ending.
Today’s Thanks…. my ex’s first Ex. My two amazing kids I love so much… their real mom. For ten years I was her ex husbands wife. I was her two baby’s other mom. Sometimes I was ugly, other times I was gracious. But in the end, when I was hurting… this women was my hero. She survived and thrived what I was trying so hard to. She made it, and had two little kids at home, I knew it HAD to be possible. She was my words of comfort and realism. She was and still is my voice of peace on her children. She has shown me the acts of God’s love in ways I can only hope to for others. Today I received a package in the mail from her. A package with notes to aid me on a huge upcoming test she has just completed. She shared when she didn’t have to. I was the other women in her hardest time. And she continues to show me such grace. I feel so fortunate that God chose her to work full circle in my heart and teach me.. I pray she knows I admire her beyond words. She is one of my many blessings in this storm.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!! Today feels like the right day to be thankful for family, safe travels, yummy food, heated homes, and simple luxuries like coffee with pumpkin spice creamer and pajamas to lounge throughout the day.
This year though I am particularly thankful for something that I realized yesterday. Healing of broken hearts. Every holiday has been particularly hard for me. I sense it about a week out, I get emotional and irritable. Running doesn’t seem to help. My brokenness becomes evident again and I feel like I’m never going to heal. Well, as of this morning when I woke up to my sweet little boys face staring at me to see if I was up yet, nada…. no emotional tidal wave has hit me. I have struggled as recently as kids birthdays this summer, and his birthday in October. But what a difference a month can make. Thanksgiving was always his big holiday… he loved us to cook up a big meal! We would raise our Turkey, butcher the turkey, brine the turkey, and then smoke the turkey. I may never have a turkey quite like that again! I know him and Mingo spent last weekend doing their Thanksgiving with the kiddo’s. Enjoying my family without me. But this simple truth no longer hurts. Even writing that, no tears!!!!! Slowly memories are becoming happy again rather than painful with the ever looming WHY question attached.
We are less than two weeks away from the dreadful day our lives all changed. Roughly one month from Christmas. Then quickly our anniversary and somewhere in there the day our divorce was finalized. (I have chosen not to remember that day, only that it was quite close to our anniversary). This year, I am hoping to meet and greet each of those days finding joy rather than sadness. If I do, it will be a first!!!!
Today I am thankful that we have choices. Choices to do both good and bad, and choices to learn from them or not. Choices to believe the unbelievable, choices to care when it all seems impossible, choices to be kind when it’s the last thing we feel. Every morning we wake up choices begin. And for the most part, we are free to choose each one how we want. Sure, there might be consequences, learning experiences, and heartache with some of the choices we make, but we always have the ability to learn from them and redirect with new choices
Yesterday was one of those ordinary days, nothing special really. Those are the days I think we should be most thankful. Warm house, indoor plumbing, family (kids and dogs), two hands and legs, the ability to relax, long runs, not having to do anything…. this list could go on and on for all the things we tend to take for granted on a daily basis. Today I’m thankful for all those things and getting to work my full 10 hour shift. Then coming home to very little school work with my youngest. And my daughter already walked the dogs (her brothers chore) without complaining to me… feeling like a pretty lucky momma!
Yesterday, I was so thankful it was Friday! I was looking forward to sleeping in today. What happened this am though??? I woke up at 330 and struggled to sleep past that! I guess knowing I didn’t “have” to get up made it all worth it though.
Today I am thankful for dates with my children. Sometimes it’s just a short trip to the store laughing our butts off. Sometimes it’s a movie, or a meal. Tonight it’s the new Fantastic Beasts and where to find them movie with both kids!!!!
Today was the first day I woke up to a cold house and turned on my heater. I am so thankful we are over halfway through November and I just now need my heat! But more important, I am thankful for modern times with heat from a switch on the wall and indoor plumbing. Could you imagine if we all had to run outside to go to the bathroom still???? No way!
Yesterday and today both just became crazy busy days so I’m a little delayed in my thankful posts. But I am not delayed in feeling thankful! Yesterday I was reminded how lucky I am to be Teal’s mom. I received a message from her regarding a friend of mine. She was worried that we might need to pray for this friend more. You see, this friend of mine lost her precious baby on the same day her baby was born, almost 11 months ago. Yesterday was a hard day for her, as you can imagine many are. My sweet Teal has had her heart strings tugged for this mom friend of mine. At some point she even started following her on Instagram. Not because she’s nosy, but because she cares about her. We chat about her all the time, and how bad we both feel for what she’s going through, wishing we could help her, etc. Well yesterday my sweet Teal reached out to this mom to let her know someone cares. Then she reached out to me to let me know and ask if it was okay… my response “it’s always ok to care”. This 19 year old has been through so much but you wouldn’t know it. She’s lost two dads in her life, grandparents that were cruel to her, and started out her years with a super young mom. But she has overcome it all. I admire her. She doesn’t run through boyfriends seeking love and attention. She knows where real love comes from, and she’s comfortable with that. She’s got goals and dreams, and she’s not afraid to change them as life progresses. I receive compliments on her constantly from other adults. My response is always “I know, I am incredibly lucky” This girl is my best friend. I know were counting down the months to when she’s going to be leaving home and enter her junior year of college, but I’m okay with that. She’s prepared in ways I never was.
Today I am thankful for my career. I spent the day with two nursing students, struggling through the final stages of school and looking toward their job and finally making money. I remember that closing stretch. I remember the stresses, excitement, fear…. I remember being so relieved and then so panicked. It was fun to be able to visit with them, reassure them, and see their relief and excitement. 15 years later, I look back, and I am so beyond thankful that I get to call myself a nurse. What a career it is. What an honor really!
Today I am thankful for patience. Something I have not always had. But something that lately seems to be tested often which proves to me over and over i got it now! I spent an incredibly long day on a few rather difficult homework assignments with my son. A math test took 2 1/2 hours!!! Of course that was after he accidently hit the back button and lost the entire first half of his answers. I thought he was going to cry. I thought I might cry. But we both took a deep breath and started over. By problem 3 he said “I feel a lot better, this isn’t that hard the second time” He was right, it wasn’t. Of course by problem 26 an hour later he was crazy hard to keep on track, but with patience he finished and he got a 100%! The best part is my patience helped his patience, and his success in the end made it all worth it!!! Several years ago this situation would have ended with him in his room freaking out, unwilling to compromise or even look at it again. I would have sat stressed in the living room, worried about what to do next, how to help him, and how I was going to fit this all on “my” plate. I would have probably gotten mad and thrown the “poor me” card at him that this was not my school and not my problem. We both would have lost at least 24 hours of happiness until we both apologized and he was willing to try again. Not tonight… not tonight!!! 🙂
Today I am thankful for the church Teal and I found when we first moved to the area. I sure miss First Christian Church, especially Dean. But the drive would be insane and unrealistic. 🙂