Guilt….

Guilt comes from sin.  We all sin, it’s inevitable.  It’s how we handle that sin and than the guilt that forms, because it always does.  God’s waiting patiently, he knows the heart he created is humble, loving, and full of faith.  This world is a cruel place, full of sin and pain. But God is not out of reach.  He is the only peace in this world… we just have to want it.

Last week our pastor discussed “contrasting betrayals”  from Matthew 26: 47-68  Peter’s betrayal vs Judas’  As always, Dean takes a verse I have read a bunch of times, and explains it in terms I understand and get.  I had always read Peters betrayal as awful, wrong, and a bad guy.  Never really understood the point of this betrayal and pointing it out because we all know Peters faithfulness to Jesus.  But Dean explained it in terms of Satan sifting him.  Then related it to each of us and our times of being sifted, how do we come out the other side?  Do we walk a humble path and admit our wrong seeking repentance, forgiveness, and restoration to life?  Or do we walk the prideful path of accusation, shame, blame, and destruction.

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I pray that I always walk a humble life, although I do know I have not always walked that path.  I pray that I am aware of my sins and ask for forgiveness on a daily or even hourly basis.  How I walk through this storm of my life has had me in constant contact with God.  Last Sunday as I sat listening to Dean, with my kids on either side of me, one crazy giddy in his seat, laughing at all of Deans witty humor, the other calmly listening.  I heard it, I felt it – and I realized I was almost going to cry from being so overwhelmed with joy.  Satan is sifting me, and thus far, God knows I love him…. I need to keep on keeping on because my direction is the correct one.  Through this last two years I have slowly gotten away from caring what everyone thought of my actions, to do what was right no matter what.  I would feel guilty for everything… EVERYTHING!  And rather than asking for forgiveness and fixing it, I would tell myself it wasn’t my fault, I tried to do the right thing, I would throw myself into a sense of a pity party which only gave me reason to become depressed, which yes… was destroying me.  I relied on everyone else’s reactions to my actions to be my emotional guide.  Now I seek God’s guidance in silence and move on with only his reaction in mind.  I have stood up for what I know God wants me to… and it is not always easy… no!  But it’s right.  God knew long before this storm hit that it was coming.  He took care of every detail to ensure that through this sifting, I would seek him, and stay faithful. I have stumbled a lot, but he is always there helping me up and redirecting me.  He placed people in my life that would help guide me and hold me up on the days I couldn’t.  I have a very dear friend who I speak with often regarding my faith, my journey, the ups and the downs.  She gets it.  She completely understands following God on something that 99% of the world says don’t… heck even I say don’t at times until I get to that quiet place with God later that day and I am redirected yet again down the right path.  I ask for forgiveness, the guilt disappears, my heart is filled with peace, and I keep on keeping on.

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