Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!! Today feels like the right day to be thankful for family, safe travels, yummy food, heated homes, and simple luxuries like coffee with pumpkin spice creamer and pajamas to lounge throughout the day.
This year though I am particularly thankful for something that I realized yesterday. Healing of broken hearts. Every holiday has been particularly hard for me. I sense it about a week out, I get emotional and irritable. Running doesn’t seem to help. My brokenness becomes evident again and I feel like I’m never going to heal. Well, as of this morning when I woke up to my sweet little boys face staring at me to see if I was up yet, nada…. no emotional tidal wave has hit me. I have struggled as recently as kids birthdays this summer, and his birthday in October. But what a difference a month can make. Thanksgiving was always his big holiday… he loved us to cook up a big meal! We would raise our Turkey, butcher the turkey, brine the turkey, and then smoke the turkey. I may never have a turkey quite like that again! I know him and Mingo spent last weekend doing their Thanksgiving with the kiddo’s. Enjoying my family without me. But this simple truth no longer hurts. Even writing that, no tears!!!!! Slowly memories are becoming happy again rather than painful with the ever looming WHY question attached.
We are less than two weeks away from the dreadful day our lives all changed. Roughly one month from Christmas. Then quickly our anniversary and somewhere in there the day our divorce was finalized. (I have chosen not to remember that day, only that it was quite close to our anniversary). This year, I am hoping to meet and greet each of those days finding joy rather than sadness. If I do, it will be a first!!!!