Will you still love me?

Today was one of those days that on more than one occasion I got the chills down my spine, goose bumps on my arms, and my heart felt like it was standing still.  His presence was heavy in church this morning.  Tears welled up in my eyes more than once.  Testimony to what brought me so close to the Lord was heavy on my heart while I listened to the sermon.   A sermon that started out with one man’s reality of needing to love the lord, even if his dad was dying of cancer.  He was asked the question…. “if I take your dad, will you still love me”  The first time he heard God speak directly to him.  The first time he realized that he had a big question to answer.

I was asked the exact same question a few years back.  “If I never repair your marriage, will you still follow me”  For so long I was running as fast as I could toward God, to get my husband back.  To repair my marriage.  This question wasn’t as easy for me to answer as it was for today’s speaker.  I didn’t immediately say “Yes”.  I argued that of course he would repair my marriage… that was the truth he spoke of over and over in the bible.  I argued that he would use us as a testimony to love.  Eventually I realized though, that he was using me as a testimony to loving him even when I was being hit by heaviest waves attempting to send me under.  And I realized that yes, I would follow him through this storm, and the next, and the next no matter what result I wanted.  I would trust him through it all.

It has been heavy on my heart for quite some time now to spread this love God has shown me.  To spread it to so many others out there floundering, hurting, and wondering what the purpose to life is.  I’ve felt God moving in me to do just that.  He’s used my “situation” and how I was able to walk through it with him as an example to others.  But I know I need to take it further.  I just haven’t known how.  Today at church….  he started to open the door.

After the sermon was over, Pastor Mike talked a little bit about the church, it’s growth, and the amazing numbers of individuals that have accepted Christ in the last year alone.  But then he spent about 10 minutes speaking from his heart about the thousands that are flocking to our community with intel jobs.  The hundreds that drive by our church just feet from our door, hurting, lost, drowning in their situations… and no clue what we have to offer within our doors.  He mentioned our church as not being a private country club, and how can we get more involved in the community.  And all I could think of was the people that were there for me at my lowest point.  The people that held me up when I couldn’t hold up myself.  That is what I want to do for others.  Pay it forward.  Be the light in their dark.  Be the spark to help them ignite, or the oxygen to keep them lit.  It’s up to God.  So stay tuned as this new journey unfolds.  Stay tuned to see how God might take this homebody, and teach me something deeper about myself.

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